dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
