I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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