What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
