last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
