She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
