I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
