I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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