it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
