SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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