my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
