i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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