My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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