ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
