After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
