I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
