And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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