When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
