And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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