i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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