i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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