is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
they need to just BURY HIM!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
pray to the hookup gods
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