Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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