You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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