Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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