I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
