If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
