Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
