Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
