It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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