Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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