ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
