just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
where are my eyebrows?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
