This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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