i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
