We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
