Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
