You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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