I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
