peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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