Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
