Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
