I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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