You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
