I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
