Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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