And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
well, you know. whores of a feather.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
