good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
