just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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