No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
