my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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