they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
