When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
