Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
