An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
