Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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