I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
